slice of my life

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Love Languages

I just finished reading The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate by Gary Chapman. I had heard of this book ages ago. I had heard people talk about it, sermons mentioing it, seminars based on it. But I don't think I had ever read it before. And I had read part of this in the spring and the rest in the past few days---disjointed, not the best way.

First, here's the 5 Languages:
Words of Affirmation
Quality Time
Recieving Gifts
Acts of Service
Physical Touch

I couldn't decide which one I definitely was. I would read a chapter about one of the languages, and I would think, "Oh! I love to be loved that way." In case you don't know, this author's idea is that we all want love given to us, and because of our upbringing and personality, we "speak" that love in one of these main languages. One way means more to us than the others. Or maybe two of them speak to your heart, but the others are not as important. His theory is that if you know your spouse's language, and if you choose loving acts for them in the language they appreciate the most, you can improve your relationship with them.

One reason I bought this book was because I really didn't know if I was loving Larry in the way that suited him best. And on the flip side, I want to be understood, too.

So my test at the end of the book came out to me speaking the language of Acts of Service. If someone helps me do a job or does something for me without me asking them to, I feel loved. My second place language is Quality Time. And I thought I was a Gift person at one point!

I talked to the kids about their language. There is a book of course, about the Love Languages and kids. I am pretty sure B is a Quality Time girl. She is constantly asking me to pretend something with her and pay attention to her and be with her during her bath or sit with her while she falls asleep. J is a little more of a mystery. I just showed him the categories and he picked Physical Touch as his first choice, with Words of Affirmation second. It's funny, all of us in this one household, coming up with different ways we want to be loved.

Of course, kids need love in all the ares, and the author even says that it's hard to tell with kids, since they need to be loved so much. And events in childhood are developing a child into the adult they'll be.

It's all very interesting! Now I just need Larry to take the little survey to see where he fits in! I am still clueless.


  • Isn't funny I always try to hug J even when he pretends not to want it and I try to point out something that he is doing well. With his personality he has gotten lots of negative feedback in his life (deservingly sometimes). Isee him as very sensitive to criticism but he reacts to it and it seems asif he really doesn't care or it doesn't mean anything to him even when it does. ALL my grandchildren are special and have special needs don't they?


    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Saturday, August 19, 2006 12:47:00 PM  

  • K is a quality time person and so is E but I think most kids are physical first. I am a words of affermation. I am easily persuded by this!

    By Blogger Rachel M., at Monday, August 21, 2006 11:30:00 AM  

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